What was your childhood like?

…a question that appears in many films and is often mocked by viewers.

Yet it is precisely your childhood that shapes your future partner and family relationships.

Take a short test about your childhood:

1. Recall your childhood. Bring to mind all your memories of your mother and father. Think of specific situations you experienced with each of them, and reflect on how you felt as a child in those moments.

2. Now recall at least three memories of your mother and three of your father. These must be moments when you truly felt that your mother and father loved you unconditionally, and you felt safe and loved.
   The memory must not be based on material things (e.g., receiving a gift, a car, an apartment, etc.).

Unconditional love means: "I love you just as you are."
Conditional love means: "I will love you if… I won't love you if…"

Did you not find three such memories from your mother? From your father? Or even from both?

Do you instead recall unhappy memories? Then you yourself suffered from a lack of love during your childhood. Think back to what you wished for in those unhappy moments.

How did you do?

Now take a test about your parenting:

1. Recall at least three loving moments when you felt you gave your child a sense of safety and unconditional love. Again, these must not be material memories (gifts, etc.).

2. Recall moments when your child cried or was clearly unhappy, and you felt that your child didn't love you in that moment. Think of the specific situation. Now go back to your own childhood—recall your mother and father—and imagine experiencing that same situation as a child yourself.
   Live through that moment again, but through the eyes of the child you once were, not as an adult.

What did you discover?

And do you want your child to have the same memories of you that you have of your own childhood, of your own mother or father? Do you want to be part of your child's life in adulthood? Do you want your child to seek you out and visit you as an adult?

Then give your child what they consider a childhood filled with love, happiness, and understanding—even if it means less time spent with them.

Maybe, in time, they'll want to see you more—if they feel comfortable and safe with you.

Learn to see every situation through the eyes of a child—your own eyes, when you were little.